i just had sex bonerless
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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