i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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