My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
