So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
