My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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