just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
