btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Randomize
