One girl and one boy is just not enough.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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