I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I just cut my nipple shaving
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Randomize
