Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
