Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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