Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
