You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Randomize
