I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
