where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
