i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
not ubering you a puppy
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
