her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
