mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Please don't give away my fajitas
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
