i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
