so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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