I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
