Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Randomize
