were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again