You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
