Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
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I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
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I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are