I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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