I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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