i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
