he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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