Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Randomize
