im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
