So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize
