Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize