I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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