you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
