I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Randomize
