Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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