That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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