kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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