I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
That reminds me...we need to get swords
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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