i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
