her vagina looked like bernie madoff
where does the pee come out of this thing
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
