I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
