I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
We have so much sex to catch up on
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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