so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
