dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
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Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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