Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I FOUND THE LEGS
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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