He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
