dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
