Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
