note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
