in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
