really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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