I don't usually arrange sex via text message
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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