Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
