it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
