Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
