i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
she looked like the before picture.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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