I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
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i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
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She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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