I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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