Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
