Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
