i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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