I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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