I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
