She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
