Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
The dick lei will go down in squad history
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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