That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
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